Learn to Trust Pleasure

May 15, 2019

Learn to Trust Pleasure

A while ago, I was musing about the need to trust pleasure. I thought, “What would our lives be like if we trusted the experience of pleasure more?” Our culture teaches us that pleasure is not quite to be trusted. Have you ever found yourself feeling suspicious of pleasure? You know it might lead you astray from the “more important things of life?” Or, maybe we think we don’t really deserve it or perhaps it’s just the impact of that primitive brain that’s always on alert for the next bad thing to happen. Its message is: Don’t relax. You have to stay on guard for potential danger to survive.

Being in Perpetual Survival Mode

We’re still learning how this primitive brain, sometimes called the “reptilian brain” is instinctual and wired for our survival. But it can be overactive and always on. When this is the case, we don’t notice the good things that are all around us, and it blocks our experience of pleasure, because pleasure helps us relax, and be more open to life.

Then there’s the additional challenge of understanding what “real pleasure” is. Maybe we’re right to distrust pleasure when it’s of the “guilty pleasures” variety. You know what I’m talking about - too much Netflix, too much ice cream or wine, etc. I call those the pleasures that are designed to help us avoid, what really needs attending to. When I catch myself in that mode, I ask the question – What am I really wanting? What am I hungry for? What would truly satisfy my longing?


Hallmarks of Pleasure

Real pleasure is nourishing and fulfils us. It doesn’t leave us continually wanting more. I’ve described the Hallmarks of Pleasure as increased wellbeing, relaxation, sense of safety, calm, an openness to life, and increased creativity.

Partly we don’t trust pleasure because we’ve not allowed ourselves to deeply notice and question our ambivalence – where did it come from, is it a legitimate stance, and is it how I really a want to be in relationship with pleasure?

Questions to Ask about Pleasure

These questions can support a new perspective on pleasure. From there, we can begin to learn what truly gives us pleasure. Pleasure is a prime motivator. It is also part of our survival wiring – in fact, it more than helps us survive, it also helps us thrive.

I invite you to hold the question: “How would your life be different if you trusted the experience of pleasure more?”

Next entry: Pleasure and Safety

Previous entry: The Vibrations of Pleasure

Madeline combines her experience as a gifted teacher and facilitator with her exquisite sensitivity to guide us into unlocking pleasure. In her gentle way she helps us to make friends with our bodies, softening the places where we feel resistance, shame and pain and learn how to tune into the myriad sensations of pleasure. She embodies her teaching and the expression of her own pleasure is contagious. Madeline creates a safe space to (re)discover that we are wired for pleasure and can overcome the negative conditioning of fear, trauma, and messages of “not good enough”.

Ingrid Schirrholz, – Senior Faculty. Pathwork Vermont, Burlington, Vermont