The Duality of Being Good Versus Experiencing Pleasure
The Duality of Being Good Versus Experiencing Pleasure
Category | Pleasure & Spirituality,While exploring the topic of pleasure I like to highlight and confront our collective unconscious cultural beliefs or misconceptions about pleasure. Though pleasure drives us we often remain unaware of its full impact on our feelings. Digging into our conscious and unconscious beliefs and feelings about pleasure allows us to be aware of often competing drives working in us that allow us to experience pleasure or not.
One such inner process I want to highlight is the duality between a sense of being good and our right to pleasure. Let me describe this dilemma a bit.
Common Misconceptions about Pleasure
A common misconception about pleasure is that it’s selfish. When we look around the world and see all the suffering, how can we possibly believe in our right and need to feel pleasure and additionally to make pleasure a priority. The part of us that cares about others and the world is truly caring, moral and longs for peace and justice. In this stance we might add that being good requires being unselfish – we give up our own needs and priorities to suffer with the world. This stance puts us in conflict with the part that also longs for pleasure. Unconsciously we can set these two needs in opposition to each other.
In simple terms we might say: “Being good “is good and wanting and having pleasure is wrong or bad.
As well there is often the confusion that pleasure must be earned. It goes like this – if I can only be good enough, then I’ll be worthy of pleasure. We don’t deeply know we are already “good enough”, and pleasure is a birth-right; it’s not contingent on being earned.
Deeply Question What It Means to be “Good”
Whenever we have a dualistic dynamic going on the task is to find the truth and unity on both sides. Regarding the concept of goodness versus pleasure, it is important to examine what it means to be a good person. If higher pleasure is life-affirming, builds resilience, and is a divine birthright, can it really be bad?
The Tyranny of Being Good
We are also aware how “being good” can be a tyranny. If we don’t feel good enough, no end of being good will make a difference because we’re trying to right a wrong that doesn’t exit.
Sometimes “being good” can also just be a manipulative tool to try to force the world and others to give us what we want. Such as: “See how good I am; how self-sacrificing and self -denying I am. How dare you not give me what I want; bend to my will!”
These can all fall under the guise of being a good person, but you can see and hopefully feel that they are not in service of true goodness.
On the side of pleasure – yes, pleasure can be self-indulgent, used addictively to avoid the unavoidable pain of life. It can be used selfishly – for sure! And it can also have its powerful healthy expression – tapping into energy that’s life affirming, that takes courage to embrace, that takes commitment and devotion to be constructive with. Pleasure is a powerful tool for resiliency and is incredibly growth enhancing.
In truth, both goodness and pleasure can be distorted, but in their higher expressions they ask for self-honesty, positive intentionality, awareness, and commitment to one’s inner truth and soul callings.
I invite you to question what goodness means to you, and to also question any belief that pleasure is somehow bad or wrong. I know it will lead to some fruitful openings and unlock energy for you to feel the rightness and goodness of pleasure.
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